by Dr. Kristina Olson-Kuyper, ND
In the first post in this series, we explored screen time and how to make room for sleep, movement, learning, and connection. Another question deserves just as much attention: What are our children encountering while they're online?
The internet gives kids opportunities to learn, create, and connect with others. It also gives them access to content and conversations they may not yet have the skills to navigate on their own.
As a family medicine physician, I encourage parents to combine practical safeguards with ongoing conversations. You don't need to understand every app or have every answer. Start by knowing what your child uses, setting age-appropriate boundaries, and making sure they know they can come to you when something feels wrong.
Here are some ways to put that into practice.
Use Parental Controls and Content Filters
Talking with kids about what they may encounter online is essential, but parents can also take practical steps to reduce the chances that children will stumble across pornography, graphic violence, or other inappropriate material.
This is especially important for younger children. They shouldn't have completely unrestricted access to the internet.
Think about online safety in layers rather than relying on a single app or filter.
Start with the device itself. On iPhones and iPads, use a child Apple Account through Family Sharing and review Apple's Screen Time controls. These can help manage apps, web content, purchases, and certain communications. For supported Android devices and Chromebooks, Google Family Link can help parents supervise a child's account, manage apps, and set website restrictions. Google Play parental controls also offer content-rating restrictions.
These tools have limits. Device controls don't automatically cover every conversation inside a game or social app, and Family Link has different capabilities across devices. Review the settings within the apps your child uses, too. Menu names change with software updates, so use the current Apple parental-control guide or Google Family Link guidancewhen setting things up.
Turn on SafeSearch and platform content settings. Set Google SafeSearch to Filter to help remove explicit material from Google Search results. SafeSearch applies to search results, not everything a child can access online. Review supervised or restricted-content settings separately on YouTube, streaming services, games, and other platforms. Check periodically that the settings are still enabled and apply to the account your child actually uses.
Use age-appropriate accounts. Whenever possible, create a child account rather than allowing a child to use an unrestricted adult account. Don't give younger children the password or PIN used to change parental-control settings or approve new apps.
Consider filtering at the Wi-Fi or router level. Some internet providers and home routers offer parental controls that can filter inappropriate websites across multiple devices connected to your home network. This provides another layer of protection, although it won't necessarily protect a child's phone when it is using cellular data or another Wi-Fi network.
For families who want more oversight, consider parental-control software. Third-party programs can offer additional features such as website filtering, app restrictions, screen-time schedules, activity reports, and alerts. The best system is one parents can understand and will actually maintain.
It's also worth remembering all the other places children can access the internet. Gaming systems, smart TVs, tablets, old phones, school laptops, and even a parent's device can provide internet access. Review the settings on any device your child regularly uses.
Most importantly, don't let technology create a false sense of security.
No parental-control system can block everything. Children may encounter inappropriate material through social media, group chats, gaming platforms, links from friends, another child's phone, or simply because a filter misses something.
Filters are one part of a safety plan. Supervision and conversation still matter, even when the settings are in place.
For an overview of these options, see Common Sense Media: How to Block Pornography on Your Child's Devices. Use the linked official setup guides for the latest device instructions.
Before You Give Your Child Their First Phone: A Parent Checklist
A child's first phone is exciting - and it's much easier to establish expectations before handing over the device than to introduce new rules six months later.
Before your child gets their first phone, consider working through this checklist together:
Set up parental controls before handing over the phone. Turn on age-appropriate content restrictions, web filtering, SafeSearch, and privacy settings.
Require approval for new apps. Younger children and tweens shouldn't be able to independently download apps without a parent knowing what they're installing.
Check privacy and location settings. Teach your child that apps don't automatically need access to their location, photos, contacts, microphone, or camera. Location sharing should be limited to people your family knows and trusts.
Decide where the phone sleeps. Create a family charging station outside the bedroom. Keep phones and tablets out of bedrooms overnight, and consider nighttime Do Not Disturb settings to reduce interruptions.
Establish screen-free times. Decide ahead of time when phones aren't appropriate - such as family meals, homework time, family activities, and the hour before bedtime.
Talk about pornography before they encounter it. Keep the conversation simple and age appropriate. Let your child know that sexually explicit material exists online, isn't intended for children, and doesn't represent healthy real-life sexuality or relationships. Most importantly, tell them they can come to you if they see something without getting in trouble.
Talk about strangers and private messages. Children should know not to share personal information, their location, or photographs with someone they only know online. Discuss why sending sexual images to anyone can create risks, including someone they know in real life. Make sure they know that people online aren't always who they say they are.
Talk about unsafe secrets. Someone asking your child to hide sexual conversations, photographs, gifts, threats, or a relationship from trusted adults is a warning sign. Teach your child to get help if someone says, "Don't tell your parents."
Discuss group chats. Talk about bullying, sexual content, screenshots, rumors, and the fact that something sent privately can easily become public. Teach kids that forwarding an embarrassing or inappropriate image can harm another person even if they didn't create it.
Talk about what to do when something goes wrong. Give your child a plan: stop engaging, don't respond, don't forward the content, and come get a trusted adult.
Make this promise: "If something scary, sexual, embarrassing, or uncomfortable happens online, you can always come to me. I will help you figure it out. You won't be in trouble for telling me."
Explain that parents will still be involved. For younger children and tweens, parents should maintain appropriate access and oversight and periodically review apps, contacts, privacy settings, and activity. Be upfront about what you will monitor rather than secretly surveilling them.
Revisit the rules as your child grows. A 10-year-old and a 16-year-old shouldn't have identical restrictions. More maturity, good judgment, and responsible behavior should gradually lead to greater privacy and independence.
The Most Important Internet-Safety Rule: They Can Come to You
Before your child begins independently exploring the internet, give them this message:
"If something online scares you, confuses you, or makes you uncomfortable, you can always come tell me. You won't be in trouble for telling me."
That last sentence matters.
Children may hesitate to tell us about an uncomfortable experience because they're embarrassed or afraid we will get angry and take away their device. We want asking for help to feel safe.
Try to make safety more important than punishment. When a child brings you an upsetting video, sexual message, bullying incident, or bad decision, start by listening and helping them figure out what happened. You can address rules and choices once the immediate concern is under control.
This doesn't mean abandoning boundaries. It means making sure that telling the truth and asking for help don't automatically lead to punishment.
We want our children thinking:
"Something went wrong online. I can tell my parent, and they will help me."
What If Your Child Sees Pornography?
This is a conversation many parents dread, but it's one families should be prepared for.
Children may encounter pornography accidentally through searches, social media, pop-ups, group chats, gaming platforms, links sent by friends, or someone else's device. Older children may also become curious and intentionally search for sexual content.
If your child tells you they have seen pornography, try not to panic, shame them, or immediately punish them.
Start with:
"Thank you for telling me. You're not in trouble for telling me."
Then calmly find out what happened. Ask:
"Did you find it yourself, or did someone show or send it to you?"
and
"How did it make you feel?"
For a younger child, you can keep the explanation simple:
"Sometimes there are pictures and videos online of naked people or adults doing private sexual things. Those are made for adults, not kids."
For an older child or teenager, this can become an important conversation about sexuality and relationships. Explain that pornography is adult entertainment - not sex education. It often does not accurately represent real bodies, healthy relationships, communication, mutual respect, consent, or what sexual experiences are actually like.
Try not to make curiosity itself shameful. Sexual curiosity is a normal part of development. Our job is to direct children toward accurate, age-appropriate information about bodies, relationships, boundaries, sexuality, and consent.
There is also an important distinction between finding pornography and having sexual material sent directly to a child.
If an adult or unknown person is communicating sexually with your child, requesting photographs, sending explicit material directly to them, or attempting to move conversations onto private messaging platforms, take the situation seriously.
Sextortion happens when someone threatens to share sexual images or videos to pressure a person into sending money, more images, or doing something else. Requests for sexual images are also a serious concern, even when there is no threat.
If this happens, help your child stop engaging and get support from a trusted adult immediately. Don't blame them, and don't send money or more images in response to demands. Keep relevant messages, usernames, and account information, and seek guidance from law enforcement or the FBI's sextortion resources. Avoid downloading or forwarding sexual images of minors. Reassure your child: "You don't have to handle this alone. We will get help together."
Monitoring Without Spying
As kids move into the tween and teen years, parents often struggle with how much privacy to give them.
Be clear about your involvement from the beginning. Explain what you will review and why, and balance safety with your child's growing need for privacy.
Before giving your child a phone or social media account, explain the rules:
"Having a phone gives you more independence, but I'm still responsible for helping keep you safe. That means I may occasionally check your apps, privacy settings, messages, or what you're watching. As you show me you can make safe choices, you'll get more privacy."
For younger children and tweens, ongoing review, discussion, and coaching are appropriate. As children develop judgment and digital literacy, parents can gradually give them more privacy and independence. Revisit the plan together as your child grows.
A Place to Start This Week
You don't need to overhaul your family's digital life in one afternoon. Choose one useful step: review parental controls, move nighttime charging out of bedrooms, or ask your child to show you a favorite app.
Then make time for a conversation. Ask what they enjoy online, what bothers them, and what they would do if someone sent an uncomfortable message.
Our goal is to help children build the judgment and confidence to navigate the digital world. Filters and boundaries can support that learning, and so can a parent who stays curious, involved, and ready to listen.
The message I most want children to hear is simple: "You can come to me. We will figure it out together."
If you have additional questions about how to best raise your child in our ever-evolving world, I invite you to schedule a visit with me.
See you in clinic,
Dr. Kristina
You can read Dr. Kristina’s full bio here.
Resources and References
American Academy of Pediatrics. Digital Ecosystems, Children, and Adolescents: Policy Statement. Pediatrics. 2026.
American Academy of Pediatrics. Helping Kids Thrive in a Digital World: AAP Policy Explained. HealthyChildren.org. 2026.
American Academy of Pediatrics. How to Make a Family Media Plan. HealthyChildren.org.
American Academy of Pediatrics Center of Excellence on Social Media and Youth Mental Health. Talking to Your Child About Online Pornography Exposure. Updated July 22, 2026.
American Academy of Pediatrics/HealthyChildren.org. What Do Teens Need to Know About Online Predators & Sextortion Scammers?
American Psychological Association. Health Advisory on Social Media Use in Adolescence.
American Psychological Association. Potential Risks of Content, Features, and Functions: The Science of How Social Media Affects Youth.
Common Sense Media. How to Block Pornography on Your Child's Devices. Updated July 30, 2024.
Apple Support. Set up parental controls to manage your child's iPhone or iPad.
Google for Families Help. Chrome & your child's Google Account and Manage Search on your child's Google Account.
Federal Bureau of Investigation. Sextortion.